Are we to conclude that British men are worse fathers or that there is something else going on? Also lost her temper on a few occasions but doesn’t have the ability to look or be as aggressive as me, or any man for that matter. Let me explain again; the professionals have different brain-sets than normal people, for example many of them are totally but wrongly convinced it is their duty to remove children from parents if they think there is an element of risk of significant harm in the future. He claims she is misappropriating the money but has no way of proving it. Post below from Angelo ‘ All comments welcome’ – Sarah’s response cheered me up. This has been my nightmare world for the last ten years and frankly I expect it to last for the rest of my life. where they left them. But not by the courts, by a society that holds mothers to account in general. Men have been perceived (biased) as being the protector, bread winner, man of the house (I can feel the formed opinions/biases already). Then we can draw attention to common malpractices and persuade them to pay more attention to procedures. A was hardly at the home, popped in now and again. Who knows, they may even realise how much discretion they have granted to them by the law and act a little more humanely. If you find what I say hectoring, abusive or unhelpful – don’t engage. DATA. But what would you have the court do? I am merely pointing out that our gender bias problems are a societal problem that start at the very beginning, which get way out of control by the end when it all falls apart. I didn’t. Two days later – a Friday afternoon, late on, B receives an ex parte Non Molestation order and an Application for occupation order in favour of A together with a statement of lies and untruths, deceit and outrageous claims of DV by B on A. A mother can choose with impunity to indulge in alienating behaviour, often with no sanction. As I have written before, most of the front-line SW’s don’t know what they are doing wrong either. Prevention is better than cure. QUOTE: Just to be clear, I don’t for a moment believe that you would differentiate on gender grounds. It is their task to make it available . The time you give is admirable to what I have found most dissmiss as trivial especially in the big bad room. I wrote quite clearly on this occasion and others that violent men should be brought to justice, punished if found guilty and when necessary imprisoned to protect his family and others. None of them. This sentence jumped out at me “It must be noted that A has had three previous relationships that have broken down acrimoniously)”. What on earth was he doing have unprotected sex with such a nasty specimen of humanity then? ” Isn’t this what happens every time a judge believes allegations of violence from a mother and makes a non-mol order or fails to enforce a “contact” order without any investigation? None of us deny , however, that at least an element of bias must exist in the Family Court especially against the male gender when most of the professionals involved including the Judge perhaps are female. All you can do is be aware and take steps to mitigate it. Surely, many children are born out of lust rather than love, which may be politically incorrect for me to say but I can say what I want. Litigation aims. They also have a duty to the Court and its schedules and will not court controversy and protest . That just would not be allowed! We are all guilty of unwittingly stereotyping, including the professionals that ought not to. Angelo. I had to prove I was a good father, capable of meeting her needs whereas my allegations of parental alienation and psychosocial abuse of a child were ignored by the lay magistrates and the first judge ( who luckily was too busy to hear the case and without even reading the bundle looked as us gathered in court and said contact once a month at the most) Cafcass were useless – I had to do a freedom of information request (SAR) in order to get the information I needed to present to the Judge. I didn’t file for my divorce, I didn’t ask to lose my child and I didn’t ever abuse my ex-wife in any way. Social Services procedures that all allegations and concerns must be subjected to thorough, impartial enquiries to discover whether they have any credibility before a man’s freedoms are interfered with. Sounds kinda totalitarian to me. The change we have seen in men is nothing short of a phonomonon. How is this not biased, in favour of A, both police and Family Court? As far as I am aware, the Justices exist to enforce the LAW including the European Convention; they stand between us and inhumanity as a backdrop to such Government policies. But I am replying explicitly to Angelo’s comment, which smacked to me of this very dangerous attitude that we should tip toe around violent men or try and anticipate their moods ‘because they’ve been out working hard all day’. Thats how I see it. what parties agree on Nothing I say in reply is meant to diminish the seriousness of your points or to disagree with what you say about the often unsatisfactory response from State Agencies when violence is alleged in intimate relationships. One assumes it would be fiercely cross-examined in a normal court. I am very sorry to hear about your friend. Especially interesting is discussion between folk with opposite opinions. I would be interested to assist in any way I can with furthering the debate that is so sorely needed. This is a big but little acknowledged part of the problem I think. ———, “Grief fills the room up of my absent child, What is needed is considerably more emotional intelligence around separation than I think many can demonstrate and I would be interested to find out more about WHY this is so, and what we can do to help.”. This seems like a sensible comment, but it deflects from the true situation, which is that there is frequently a distinct bias against the father that has nothing to do with the inconvenience of geography. Regarding the lawyers; as Sarah says they have to carry out the instructions of their clients.Of course,in practice the instructions arrive to them from the LA legal team ,solicitors themselves who are led by a borough or city solicitor that signs under oath all applications etc. I know Sarah has suggested in the past a two-tier system where serious cases are dealt with in a quasi-criminal court and , to get rid of the possibility of bias, surely their should be juries. His ex wife got wind of this and the court ordered an audit the result of which was his child support payments got increased. Sod that. simple yes or no ! Readers with there eyes wide open will now see that I am right. Just like sentimental lawyers and judges in many countries in the past have claimed the high ground in objectivity when they attributed superior intelligence to whites over blacks, superior tolerance to Christians over Muslims or the superior self-control of the English over Irish etc , Judges, prosecutors and politicians today continue to apply their biases and prejudices, albeit more subtly and cleverly, because society seems to need to stereotype people as this makes assigning blame easier in tight judgement cases. & don’t bother trying to make it the fault of the LA or any of the professionals involved, likely to be NHS as it happens; CAMHS etc. B is made homeless! No charges against her because she claimed PPD whoch was a lie. Your reply is appreciated. It would be very helpful if the information provided differentiates between this new area of study and that of Attachment and neuro-developmental disorders such as Autism or FASD. QUOTE: I understand and share your frustration that certain allegations, such as sexual abuse, just stop contact stone dead while investigations are carried out. Which is why I will continue to assert that the true ‘answer’ here is to empower our children to love and nurture themselves, maintain their self esteem and only enter into relationships for the right reasons; not out of fear, or loneliness or apathy. The family court sees them all and deals with them all. Total power trip. A lawyer told me about a hidden financial bias when it comes to child support in America. The men that hide behind the women in this system are punks that just do what they want. Female SW’s and lawyers are often overawed by men and their attitudes leading to wrong impressions that they are controlling, aggressive etc. It has to be enforced.Thus if the LA’ flout procedures and make no real effort to discuss support or offer it perhaps not even talking tp parents the lawyers should protest. A moves out of the jointly owned home. I hope he’s right. Frankly I had to bite my lip. My suggestion was that pending a divorce court hearing which would be decided on facts , we should have a new law which means children should remain with mother unless it is known she is unfit. I think we just don’t talk enough about this and it causes great pain. This must amount to bias. The screener also may lie about conversations witbj the father. If he is on the birth certificate you can’t blame the State for taking that as proof of paternity. Children’s family and human rights must be decided after a fair ‘trial’ in the shape of a hearing which is scrupulously impartial. 90% of equity given to my wife. This paper was written in 2007, but it covers this field of early childhood abuse and neglect quite well, particularly the neurodevelopmental consequences of mistreatment. But regardless of reasons for it, it remains a fact. If she hits him over the head with the rolling pin when he comes through the door , he does not retaliate but will retire to the dog-house and keep mum for a while. Naturally, general good manners,respect for parents and elders and so on must be taught to children at school for them to take on into adulthood. that ‘I don’t do nappies’ – they express revulsion and horror at the idea of poo! I work with women in the CJS whom often have Local Authority involvement in the care of their children and that in itself is traumatic for Mothers. He can not see his children and at the same time he is expected to pay generous sums of child support. For so many reasons, this puts pressure on EVERYONE involved, parents and children alike. Which reinforces my belief that family courts and their lawyers are totally unsuited to judging sometimes serious cases where dv and other alleged criminal activities. Thanks,Paul for your comment.Even Sarah recognises the potential for discrimation exists because of the female/male imbalance amongst professionals in the system.I am afraid you just have to be stoical and accept it. Why? Hurting other people is wrong. I am not trying to be glib or flippant but I suspect it seems that way. There seems to be a lot of anecdotal evidence, particularly with the rise of the internet and social media. My conclusion is that there is the implication here that women deserve certain advantages over men. I think there is a ‘gender bias’ or discrimination as it should be called. You might think that this does not affect you, but one day it might. I recognize that the court has a responsibility to protect the interest of the child. This approach is costly and time consuming but it can determine more likely who is biased … The simple and short answer is yes, there is a perceived bias against fathers but i do not feel it is a bias held only by the courts, It extends far beyond that and I hope to be able to go someway to proving that to you albeit with anecdotal evidence. When you go to court, you can expect that the judge that is hearing your case is impartial and will treat both sides in a fair manner. There also seems to be a significant minority of men, shouting it wasn’t me, when there is evidence to prove it was. Interesting discussion, to which I can only add that the sexual revolution and the ensuing ease of access to divorce and normalization of out-of-wedlock parenthood have upended among many other things what seemed previously to be fairly well-delineated boundaries about a man’s sphere and a woman’s sphere. The resident parent refuses, the other parent then has to pay 58 pounds for the form for court. But there are unfortunatly some in both camps that are. I am concerned for my children as parental alienation is evident, but my enquiries and requests have been dismissed and ignored to date. Website Privacy Policy & Terms of Use. This is a real problem for men as I think many men just don’t appreciate how frightening they can be to women when they are angry. How is it that the family court has not conducted a fact finding exercise? That in itself implies that the court system is biased and also highly unethical. If this was law, it would deter men from abandoning a mum and then thinking he can take the children too. Or do we simply refuse to admit that such a possibility is a problem? Now they often have children before they are even married. Another reason to keep away from it. I was the custodial parent after my divorce. The problem is – as I keep saying – is that these are not legal problems but problems of the pain and suffering caused by the breakdown of intimate relationships which so often plunge both or one half of that relationship into financial hardship. Indeed it is quite absurd to suggest it. They produce research which proves that LA’s neglect autistic children in their care but even when an official complaint is made , procedures are not followed and errors are not corrected. It is the creation of a human life. To touch back on the term *Primary Carer* Primary Carer to me means that parent is the one who arranges day-to-day arrangements of the child/children. Our children’s problems are more mundane sadly. He expects loyalty from his family at least as he gets enough grief outside the home. False claims are abhorrent and should be criminal – but when I represent men I recognise them and fight them and I certainly have never encouraged a client to make up or exaggerate claims. Dear Grayham – I am sorry to hear this. I am sure the alarm bells should have been ringing loud and clearly, however, in this instance they weren’t listened to! Do I feel Family Courts are biased against fathers? If you wish to discuss matters free of sarcasm or unacceptable hyperbole – such as I ‘abuse’ people – then I hope I am always willing to enter into discussions in good faith. World view, my eye! There is of a lack of awareness of domestic abuse , both in the wider society and in state departments who supposedly protect children. Most social workers and lawyers I meet are women. Evil mothers are rewarded for purgery. I had a grumpy (now ex) partner who expected ME to take on 100% of running of household and work full time too. — SometimesOutspoken (@petem2018) March 19, 2017. This is because they use what are called heuristics. Paul, I agree with you that men face discrimination in Family Courts especially when the judge, lawyers and other professionals are all women which is commonplace. I agree with you. As several studies and publications have reported, females victims approx 57%, males victims 43% And I put my child into nursery at 7 months old. It could be in ten years time ,those who favour sending babes to nursery are stuck in the past. Families Need Fathers’ Annual conference in Bristol. (A has called police several times in the last 12 months alleging DV and assault. They are 100% actively discriminating against men. The idea that family courts are biased against men is a dangerous fallacy. It is impossible to keep anyone 100% safe and there will always be risk involved. I am not particularly interested in what ‘triggers’ abusive men to be ‘unhappy’. And I will advise my daughter to avoid them too. Arguement over. lawyers don’t determine where public money is spent. She will unless in extreme cases be allowed to keep the children with her whilst investigations are ongoing. Why is he painted as an abuser or treated like a criminal? Hi, Nor I am able to understand why you appear to advocate using people’s posts on social media as ‘data’ to inform anything much other than their perceptions. As I said the man is a human being and may get aggressive by human nature. Oh & I don’t need anyone to be kind to me because I’m a social worker Angelo. for example Lucy Reed’s plea on Pink Tape. Thanks again for the opportunity. We have men at the school gates. ( Just saying…), Dr. Perry’s first wife, Arlis Perry, was murdered in Stanford Memorial Church on the grounds of Stanford University in California on October 12, 1974. Once my abuser realised I was aware & disengaging they upped the anti. The ‘abuse’ matter is one that is close to my heart having been accused of it. The issue of real or perceived bias sparked some interesting debate at the conference and later, via Twitter. Considering the above, there seems to be a fundamental principle underpinning the actions of some of the family court that if a mother expresses an inappropriate belief, it is more likely to be treated as true, whereas if a man expresses an inappropriate belief, it is more likely to be treated as false. So the father spends his life jumping through hoops in court. I am always very clear to check my views – what is the factual basis for my view? The very first step is that we MUST be willing to TALK to each other – not shout over one another. It’s a lovely day here.. It is often said that a left winger is merely a right winger who has been in jail. I always look forward to all disagreements. I do not accept however, after 20 plus years experience at the coal face, that this ‘something’ is systemic and deliberate bias. Inevitably there will be men who are angry and perhaps justifiably so in terms of their experience of the way they have been treated. Maximum happiness with flawed material, if you like. However, it is very difficult to know what went on in a relationship when there may be no evidence other than the assertions of the two people in it and the courts often have to err on the side of caution, particularly when children are involved. I don’t come home and shout at and belittle my family. You must accept the facts and realise that the corruption is ‘covered -up’. Any statement of ‘belief’ at the outset of an investigation, corrupts that investigation. All allegations should be treated with the same weight regardless of gender and all safeguarding techniques should be implemented equally. I am not apologising. Indeed the problem IS a systemic one, being related to an entire family court system and the set of underlying attitudes shared by the people who work in it. They are seen as low status and boring. Don’t even argue with me because I will school you. He had left me with debts, and had moved in with his girlfriend. I have written you a short article. Because these are mostly the men ,it may just seem like there is much bias against husbands in Family Law cases. [This comment has been redacted for abuse. The failure of the Court to take the time to test evidence properly. Some men need more time to get used to it; they expect to be obeyed and more effort should be taken to educate young men that the women are in charge not they because some of them get violent. If you fear for their safety with Mum,concentrate on obtaining factual evidence of harm (maybe spending your money on a private eye) .If you get any,take it to the Police.Leave Social Services and the allegedly biased and toothless Family Courts out of it! Dear Reid how can we get this data, interpret it and apply it? There’s always merit to readers in your responses, Helen. 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