Despite the fact, authorities sent the convicted child molester interviewed in this story back to prison in 2015 for violating his parole. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. It’s ok… that’s how I feel with my dad. Once you enter your information, you’ll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I think working on the little things such as trying to get on a regular sleep schedule for a start is a good idea. fins ur heart in it’s center. Two years after a friends younger sister found out about my conviction and made false allegations up which came to nothing…..but a forensic computer chack revealed something which was in the past. I was very much in denial. My Grandmother was a child molester she done a lot of evil things to me. He should have thought of that before he did that to me. I am so glad u reaching out for help and never give up K… no matter how grim life can seem. Let’s just say that the potential is there for rehabilitation, then what? We are only as strong as our weakest link. Hello Christian, Many people who are attracted to children are horrified and frightened by their preferences and attempt to do everything they can to keep from harming a child. Where they seen me as someone who cared for them and showed them the attention that they wanted. I had moved to a new place after dislosure to rebuild my life, yet all the time police would visit, make insinuations and continuously talk about relationships and disclosure, I knew then that living in the UK was impossible and went into a shell of drug use and lonesomeness at which point I used pornography much more frequently. I visit him and write and talk often. What I would like to know is what therapist is going to want to serve this population and how will you ever really be sure that they have been completely changed? He married and had a child that he never touched or hurt and he never molested again after he got himself help. All rights reserved. I myself am a registered citizen. But because mandated group therapy may be of benefit to some convicted offenders or those who are at risk for offending, group leaders may not wish to withhold a potentially helpful treatment from anyone. So going to a therapist is a real concern for an offender. They are grown adults that can seek help before they take advantage of a child they know about patient confidentiality they have no excuses. I blame no one else for my act. Psychologists and psychiatrists have been searching for a cure for pedophilia for decades. Sexual desire cannot be completely eliminated by castration, a fact that leads many individuals to question the efficacy of the treatment and the risk of releasing offenders who may still experience some sexual desire for children. Those who believe it is a sexual orientation may advocate the use of fake porn, depicting animated or CGI children, as a way for those with pedophilic tendencies to achieve sexual release. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. We may someday find out that it is the latter, maybe even that it can be cured. Get it? I know it’s horrible to hurt a child…i have kids of my own. You mentioned something at the top of your comment along the lines of it still haunts me, you sound to me like a good person who has done bad in the past but that very statement tells me you are a good person who I would imagine would jump at any opportunities to help others. Yes its a bit different isnt it…we say that peodophiles shouldnt be near children..Yet again we allow bank robbers to vist banks????? So why let that kind of responsibility with me? Crimes that in most cases, could/should have been avoided. Now more than ever he needs help and support. '", Notably, some pedophiles have even come out against the idea that change is possible. definitley not my parents. A recently published paper claiming pedophiles can be cured does a disservice to people who need treatment. My father was a child molester. Horrible life changing experience. He feels a sense of freedom that it’s out on the open and not a secret anymore. All I could do was keep him away. Never fully talked about it with my family but everyone knew. He has been locked up since I was 14. Still others believe the child molester is a nonviolent offender. But in my heart I know what with all the grooming and manipulation that my brother has done. It was a long time ago when this happened he was molested as a child and he regretted it so much for what he did. "It’s a ticking time bomb.". But I believe he is in Heaven. She’s passed on now. But I think that for most of us who can in no way ever understand or condone this behavior it is so hard to rationalize even trying this. I had a touchy feely encounter with a 16 y/o when i was in my mid 20’s. as much as it is a complex thing,we should try to send a firm NO to child molestation as a society. Child molesters can not be cured so the answer is no. He was not even for giving me a slap when I misbehaved. Don’t squander it. I guess murder would be a better choice them?? at fist we wrote back and forth. I forgive but hard to trust again. He worked as a voulnteer emt and he even became a home health care worker and never once did he abuse anyone else. Thanks for sharing Shandell Is it because they are evil people, or because there is something wrong with their brain that makes them unable to help it? He can protect ur heart. Silence truly does empower abuse because it allows those ‘thinking errors’ space to grow. Hi John It’s not fair! It may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional. I will never understand the attraction to children. I am very proud of my son 4 coming forward about this. Some therapists have reported that this method has been successfully used to reduce an individual’s desire to molest a child. What all of this means is that even though rates of child sex crimes might be dropping, the rate of pedophilia in the population might still be the same. I uncovered some secrets that should not have been kept in his family. Cantor and others believe that the message Fedoroff is sending to pedophiles—that they can stop being pedophiles if they want—is going to prevent some of them from developing the skills they need to regulate their sexual urges so that they can avoid committing sexual offenses. I remember back to a therapy session where my therapist asked me to throw him outside the window. Child Abuse - Molesters Cannot Be Rehabilitated. Many people don’t realize this, but some adults who aren’t primarily attracted to children still commit sex crimes against them. I just found out that my boyfriend molested his daughter 12 years ago. If child molesters were to be tortured to death, it is almost certain that innocent people would be too. I just learned of what my dad did to my cousin this morning and i have a million thoughts racing in my head. I know this really is not the place to talk about ocd as such but I felt that it kind of relates in terms of feeling certain urges to do things. I still don’t know 100% for sure if it happened and I feel so guilty for reporting it and the fact that I can’t let him know I did so untill they do the investigation. Some states, such as California, mandate castration for offenders with multiple convictions as a condition of release. Why be so selfish? He has found his faith in there and is glad he confessed. I’m doing research to try to understand my brother’s actions. He admits what he did and goes into the reasons. But she told me that her step dad touch her private,my sister ask hem to leave we didn’t make a report or anything,a week past and I thought my sister was going to do something and she didn’t that happend a sunday and by the next Saturday my sister was sleeping with hem again but in he’s house,well time past and then we find out she got pregnant from the same guy,my niece used to cry with me,or text me saying do something I don’t know what my mom is thinking and stuff like that so I felt so bad for my niece but still don’t do anything I was afraid to get my sister in trouble with CPS..well I went to a trip I took her kids with me including my niece of course,when we came back she already had the newborn baby and this guy living back at the house,my niece went to school and said everything to her counselor,when they told her that they can take the kids away from her mom she felt bad and said I forse her to do it when is not true,well she went back home,saw her mom crying and felt guilty now my sister ask her to go back to her counselor and say she lied about the child molester,my consern is I know now this guy smokes meth what should I do? Yourself! and fast! What Science Reveals about Pedophilia. I suffer from ocd harm related thoughts and my chances of acting out the thought is very low but I do find it interesting talking to someone who is maybe on the other side of it so to say. I do understand ur distress! Better safe than sorry, no? However, chemical castration has been shown to be effective for many individuals and thus is likely to protect many children who would potentially be victims of sexual abuse. I feel for him but this is against my beliefs I don’t know if there is a way to get passed this is there? I still have trouble telling him to stay away from us… I wrote two different letters to send him and I still have not… it’s harder than you think…but I think I finally made up my mind of what to write…, All criminality originates from sex.To be precise,childhood sex taboos,inhibitions,deprivations,rejections,especially of this kind we’re discussing here.Every human beimg is capable of doing one abominable act or the other,but for the fear of God,or man or both.We are all living under intense self control and should look with pity towards convicts as those who failed to control themselves.I am better than you attitudes,expressions and purnishments towards criminals,only breed new ones.Yes I agree that criminals must pay.But it all depends on what man calls a crime.A victim feels injured later,because society says it’s wrong.So was sodomy,now made legal.My advice is that all sexual acts should be monitored,guided and tutored.Just like sex education in schools have succeeded immensely to curb teen pregnancies.I mean,since we cannot stop them and won’t be there when it always happens,show them how to do it safe.I tell you,because this is the begining of all crimes and is treated well,we might just have discovered a great way of curbing crimes,make society safer and living on this planet most blissful. How could you ever be sure that they are not gonna turn on your kid and harm them? Send pitches to tonic@vice.com. Don't panic! I posted here 4 years ago when I found out my boyfriend had molested his daughter. I don’t believe at this point life imprisonment is the right solution. Thank you for your comment! Im not condoning what I did, Im just saying that people need to know the facts of every case instead of drawing a broad brush like the government wants you to. Granted, very sick people. Some I was never comfortable enough to open up to, and had to look for a different therapist. It will be a hard thing to talk about but if you can encourage your husband to seek help. I believe sexoffender can be rehabilitated. some kind of intervention has got to happen. They may wish to attend therapy, explore ways to curb their desires, or take medication. He married my mother in around 78 and I was born in 83. He chose to become religious and chose to stop his ways. It’s like he has the nerve to think we would just let him back in our lives! minimum of $20 a session. Many therapists use group therapy as a type of treatment for people with pedophilic tendencies. While Fedoroff is citing scientific studies, his interpretation of the data has been criticized, and some claim that the evidence he cites in support of his view is deeply flawed. FOR THIS. And WILL go on with the investigation! And while I avoid all the things that led to my moral collapse, I believe it is like alcohol addiction. I guarantee its alot more now…. I’m still besides myself I loved that man. Plus, many pedophiles never commit sex offenses. They need to have there hands cut of so there can never hurt another child again. Registries do NOT keep ANYONE safe. hard labor, he did 2.5 in a sewing factory, he had money. But, we also have to make room for the people who are rehabilitated. Please feel free to return to our homepage, https://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. Dr. A. Nicholas Groth, one of the leading experts on sexual victimization of children, differentiates between nonviolent child molesters … A similar issue is present with people who carry shame and self-loathing surrounding drug addictions. it starts right at home. But the worst was the obvious secrecy around my experience. I have extreme guilt and remorse for what I have done. Sexual interest, he says, is something that we acquire from learning, experience, and observation and, as such, is "changeable throughout life.". Besides, if your bf did nothing wrong, he shouldn’t worry. I’ve cycled thru many emotions. I understand the desire for revenge and feelings of anger but logic shows that responding in a way that spiritually creates more of what you don’t want is illogical. If you don’t mind me asking how is your ex husband getting on now Shandell is he able to open up to people if he is in distress? They do know that there is NO patient confidentiality if the therapist thinks that there is a possibility of the patient harming someone or committing a crime. I’m not here to judge but to understand things more as I feel that sometimes there is not enough help for people. If your husband feels like it could happen again please get in contact with the emergency services right away if possible as it sounds like he does need some help for his mental health. For investigators willing to spend the time, there is a wealth of material and data available about sex offenders. Even if he never abused me, he was still a bad father with a bad temper! At first Hate and very ashamed to admit I even cared about the monster I once loved dearly. I’d like to ask an expert on this web sight. We met when we were 15…both worked at a grocery store.. he was shy. From your comment, it seems as if you may be in some distress, and we would like to encourage you to reach out. The long unacknowledged truth is that there is a large population of molested children in this country who turn around, at startlingly tender ages, and become child molesters themselves. Recovery is in the early stages. There are also many excellent courses and seminars throughout the Some like myself become the protectors which is why I felt shame in not being able to protect my children. THANK YOU We may someday find out that it is the latter, maybe even that it can be cured. I found out my husband after 10 years of marriage was involved in this very situation. You are incredibly brave to stand up to keep other children safe yes anytime you suspect a child may be in danger, you may call your local child protective (or family) services If a person hurt a young person in the past, we want to prevent it happening again to another child. We are facing the past so to say when we talk about it, sometimes that can be something that is very hard to talk about for the first time. He had been molested and grew to be a molester but, because he changed I am a grown woman today that the cycle of sexual abuse stopped with and it stopped because my father chose to get help and chose to be honest. Can Chemical Castration Help Pedophiles Tame the Beast Within? That is a PROVEN FACT! He wants to seek help and so regrets not coming forward sooner to stop the abuse. HI John Doe But that was too easy. Only because it’s easier to put people in a cage, then to treat them like humans! child molester is one who exposes himself to or fondles children without engaging in vagi­ nal or anal intercourse. So he knew how I felt. He wrote: “Dr. If no one is talking about it – then it is more comfortable for potential offenders to think about it, and rationalize abuse. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I’ve been working on some stuff my therapist has me doing and I have been pretty down lately. I want awareness. Other individuals may molest children for the above reasons, out of sexual frustration, or in order to maintain power or exert control. so think before you say know what your talking about before you talk. They can NEVER be rehabilitated although I think the urges they feel can be controlled. My ex-husband molested and sexually abused 3 of our daughters- we had 6 children in total. Our mind can be a very powerful thing and when it comes to certain thoughts it can be debilitating. I do know that I wasn’t thinking straight. But statistics say that 96 % of molesters who are in the system are NOT repeat offenders. The worst thing you can do is keep silent, or think that as his wife you can prevent him from committing any more sexual offenses, because you can’t. It’s a pickle, but I hope people read this and realise that many peoples thoughts are founded on hysteria and this leads to seeing events in the worst possible ways, don’t judge people is what I have learnt the most from this, alongside the knowledge that crimes of intent aren’t well judged. I can’t stay in the past reliving it all of the time because that does not get me anywhere. Sexual attraction toward children is a form of imprinting/programming embedded in the subconscious levels of the mind, which may arise from being abused as a child or from ancestral or past life memories related to that pattern. For me, he should of worried about us before he did the stuff to me like that. Which is really emotionally complicated. I think that any of us with half a brain think that you should just lock them up and throw away the key. It’s like if you want help/a service for a this or that, you gotta go to another country! Conventional therapy is poor at treating this since it does not engage those deeper levels of one’s consciousness to heal the past traumas and release the unconscious feelings and thoughts that are feeding into the compulsion. I’m not perfect please destroy judge me. He still tries to wanna be in our lives! Every job I have had since being released, someone has always found out and started trouble for me. there should be organizations like Hearts of Hope 4 example that may guide u to a counselor and one that takes u in on a sliding scale fee. That drop in sex offending that occurs with an individual over time doesn’t necessarily mean that people’s sexual interests are changing as they get older, either. The story of what I did has been ballooned. Unless they are stopped by someone else, before they get there. My husband needs help!!! I expressed concerns with the solicitor later but they kept fobbing me off saying that because the child had already wet the bed twice that night before the alleged incident I would have DNA on me due to that. Further, when aversion therapy does work, it is unlikely to do more than eliminate the attraction to children. Fighting Words is Tonic's opinion column. Just think what that amount might be today . In November of 18 he took his life because he couldn’t live with all of this. A lot of these people have been molested themselves and never dealt with it. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Thanks from angel a real small town. I feel sorry for him because he grew up this way but I don’t understand why he would do that to his own child. My mom never let me write to him he has no idea how I look…I just got in contact with his mom my grandma that lives in a diff state she is really nice n cool….she gave him my number the phone conversation wasnot what I expected but he is just near me until he gets parole to move….I would like advice =/. In reality, he only cared about himself and I had the courage to divorce him- the one thing he told me never to do, but I had to, because to him we were his possessions. These programs are often viewed with skepticism, as many believe that a person who molests children cannot be rehabilitated and that pedophilic urges will always lead to the sexual abuse of a child. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. It might simply be a function of the decline in sex drive that occurs as people age, which might make managing a deviant sexual interest easier. Correction: A previous version of this article described the site "Pedophiles About Pedophilia" as run by "pedophilic men"; that has subsequently been changed to "pedophilic people.". Its like we r on the same boat but on opposite sides. They may, however, choose to carefully screen participants prior to program entry and during treatment. Stop wasting time and money on jail sentencing!! Its all abnout money. She ran away at 14. They should loose all their rights especially when they hurt and manipulate a child. I wish I was safe enough and encouraged to talk. sometimes, if they are alive before they get out of real prison, however most just want to commit suicide in the first place, before whatever . While this therapy can be effective, it often poses ethical problems, as therapists cannot shock their patients. I love him so much but if he hurt my daughter why do I feel guilty for turning him in? @Thewife… Is there life after prison? When I focus on what happened it really gets me depressed, but I know I need to keep facing it until I’m able to forgive myself and move on with my life. What we do to the least of our brother we do to ourselves. I need to preserve my own life. The vast majority of child molesters are male, and most sexual abusers were sexually abused as children. I finally filed the report that my boyfriend molested my daughter. You do the crime, you do the time, and that needs to be times 100 for anyone who thinks its ok to hurt a child. I hope you will be safe and realize his behavior is not your fault and that you are not alone. All I can do is pray 4 the change I have been waiting on. I recently uncovered my boyfriend at time was accussed of child molest the female retracted story & boyfriend charged w/assault bec she was a minor. It is proven fact that child molesters and pedophiles can not be rehabilitated!!! The truth was I was at a lads sisters house that I met on a drink drive awareness course, went out for the night and got so intoxicated that I knew nothing of walking back to the house and the next memory was waking up in the sisters daughters bed with everyone furious. New research shows that pedophilic disorder may be neurological in nature, lending further support to the position that an attraction to children is not a choice. Does anyone know or understand that there are all kinds of illness . I know most of you will say that they deserve it and your probably right but these are still someone’s husband, son, father, brother! Interviewing child molesters is a skill that can be developed and greatly enhanced through study, training, and experience. He got himself psychological help and he became a man of God. From my perspective, there are far more deserving people who could use some free therapy then these guys who use kids and then throw them away. This happened at a university Christmas party almost 20 years ago that was for adults 21 and older only (Alcohol was being served). Those who have not yet harmed a child and who are committed to avoiding doing so may find relief from their desires through chemical castration. my sister marries at 15 has 5 girls. For example, Cantor points to a 2016 reanalysis of those data, which concluded that there was “considerable measurement error” in the original study and that the results obtained don’t reflect anything other chance variability. U commented and reached out 4 help I think. Anger, shame, etc for example the big question I respect him changing. The elderly acted on any of us with half a brain think that any of us a! Our daughters and his half-sister harm related where my mind could be taunting me to “ rapist... S good that you sent, thank you father went on to take life. For giving me a slap when I came to realize I was so scared of her room! 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